Last night, I asked Mark what time it was, he said – Midnight. At the same time we both thought/said – It’s been a month since the miscarriage…….a month.
It has been quite the month for me, a miscarriage and all of the emotional and physical things that go along with that, a brand new position at work, crazy amounts of school work, going off Diet Pepsi, and my grandpa’s health taking a crappy negative turn for the worse.
As I sit here, I have tears in my eyes, I am overwhelmed today by emotion. Since just a couple days after the miscarriage, I haven’t really cried about that or much of anything. I have been kinda numb. Last night, after I left my grandparents, I have been emotional. I am SO happy, thankful, blessed and lucky, but some days; you just need to cry. I feel sad that I am not having a baby, I feel sad that my grandpa is in so much pain, I feel sad that my grams is exhausted because she cares for the man she has loved for like close to 60 years, and STILL loves him so much,(which I find BEYOND inspiring) and sadly, I do miss Diet Pepsi!!!
Last week I was talking with my gramma about how she was dealing with my grampa being so sick and things not being great. She said – “well I know what will happen,” and I asked how she feels about that…. Her response made me SO overwhelmed, I called my sister right away to tell her. She said – “I know I will be fine, because I have all of you. Our family is so close and I know I will be fine.” She also said she has always felt like we were so close like a mother/daughter relationship – I left there feeling SO lucky.
Anyhow – I am all over the place today, just needed to vent out all the things I have been thinking in my head for the last month. Wow, it’s been a wild ride, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.
1 month later, I get to celebrate one of the cutest/most inspiring little kids I know – my niece Vanessa. She is SO smart, loving, caring, sweet, funny, and just plain cool – she was my first niece or nephew and I will NEVER forget that feeling…..ever. xo