1 month

23 Mar

Last night, I asked Mark what time it was, he said – Midnight.  At the same time we both thought/said – It’s been a month since the miscarriage…….a month.

It has been quite the month for me, a miscarriage and all of the emotional and physical things that go along with that, a brand new position at work, crazy amounts of school work, going off Diet Pepsi, and my grandpa’s health taking a crappy negative turn for the worse.

As I sit here, I have tears in my eyes, I am overwhelmed today by emotion.  Since just a couple days after the miscarriage, I haven’t really cried about that or much of anything.  I have been kinda numb.  Last night, after I left my grandparents, I have been emotional.  I am SO happy, thankful, blessed and lucky, but some days; you just need to cry.  I feel sad that I am not having a baby, I feel sad that my grandpa is in so much pain, I feel sad that my grams is exhausted because she cares for the man she has loved for like close to 60 years, and STILL loves him so much,(which I find BEYOND inspiring) and sadly, I do miss Diet Pepsi!!!

Last week I was talking with my gramma about how she was dealing with my grampa being so sick and things not being great.  She said – “well I know what will happen,” and I asked how she feels about that…. Her response made me SO overwhelmed, I called my sister right away to tell her.  She said – “I know I will be fine, because I have all of you.  Our family is so close and I know I will be fine.” She also said she has always felt like we were so close like a mother/daughter relationship – I left there feeling SO lucky.

Anyhow – I am all over the place today, just needed to vent out all the things I have been thinking in my head for the last month. Wow, it’s been a wild ride, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

1 month later, I get to celebrate one of the cutest/most inspiring little kids I know – my niece Vanessa.  She is SO  smart, loving, caring, sweet, funny, and just plain cool – she was my first niece or nephew and I will NEVER forget that feeling…..ever. xo



Posted by on 03/23/2012 in Uncategorized


4 responses to “1 month

  1. Melissa

    03/23/2012 at 1:35 pm

    love you Dani, I’m always here if you need someone. I have been there. It stays with you forever. Your strong and its okay to let yourself feel things and acknowledge how it is inside you. Let it out or the pain will never heal only leaving and open wound instead. Your inspiring how courageous you are to share your story and for letting us all see your vulnerable side. Your loved by many and thought of by all. Miss you!

  2. Natalie

    03/23/2012 at 1:41 pm

    Reading this in the salon waiting for
    Vanessa, crying myself! Love you.

  3. Jessica

    03/23/2012 at 11:34 pm

    OH Dani, I had no idea…you hid it very well at work : ( I know we are not close, but as a woman, I can only imagine what you have gone through. I will say a prayer for you tonight that the tears help heal the pain you are feeling, and that you keep getting blessed with the good things you deserve…hugs to you and Mark xo

  4. Dani B

    04/02/2012 at 10:24 pm

    thanks guys. xo


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