I haven’t written in some time. I felt it was best I didn’t cause sometimes I ramble, sometimes I am rude and blunt and sometimes I just need time to process, so I did. The last week and a half has been crazy, hard, sad, joyous.
Do you ever feel like life JUST gets going smoothly and then BAM, your car has to go in the shop 3 times in 2 weeks, the plumber has to come out twice in a week, and work is different and new-ish and everything around you FEELS as though it’s falling apart. I had that day today. I am normally not a negative person, but today, watch the frig out! I am mad, sad, emotional, and the next second happy!! My car is busted again, and today while I was at the Hospice, I was on the phone with the mechanic and had to rip apart my console just to flip some switch to override the shifter. SOOOO annoying. Grrrrrr
An update on other things: Just over a week ago things got a lot worse with my grampa. My gramma, who had been looking after him on her own, full time for over a month, finally agreed that she wasn’t able to do it anymore. I made some calls last Monday morning and by Monday afternoon, McNally hospice said he could come live there. It was fast. Amazing. But fast. My brother just came home for good from out west too, perfect timing. 🙂 For about 5 days most of my time was spent with my whole family at my grandparents. I realized then remembered how lucky I am. I may lose members of my family, but I need to begin to ALWAYS remember the good that was had, the amazing memories and cherish every second. I realized that our family may not be perfect, but at the drop of a hat, we would do ANYTHING for eachother and just be there. I knew that, but needed the reminder. I remember when I miscarried, my sister and her family and my parents were there for us letting us know they cared SO much….INSTANTLY! amazingly lucky!!!
Today kinda broke me a little bit. The “singing ladies” came to the Hospice to sing to people. They come to each room and ask if there are songs that the patients would like sung to them. They sang 3 hymns. All of them seemed to talk about death, and how God is there with you. The Lord is My Shepherd has a line that says: “Yea, though I walk in death’s dark vale, Yet will I fear no ill.” I lost it. I started to cry. I looked at my grampa and just thought, I can NOT imagine what he might be feeling right now, but maybe that is JUST what he needed to hear. My gramma told him to thank the ladies after. After speaking no more than 5 words the whole time I was there, he asked us to all fold our hands and pray. He prayed for the ladies. I have NEVER heard him pray, and it made me SO proud, that my grampa who is SO sick, was thinking about others. This is how I want to live my life. Hospice and the AMAZING people that work and volunteer there have changed my life. I will forever join them in fundraisers and speak highly of them. http://mcnallyhousehospice.com/
So in a sense my feeling of “overwhelmed,” as much as some things aren’t going my way these days, is in a good way and am trying to count my blessings and be thankful for the amazing things I do have. And I also need to remember that everytime I try to plan my own life or figure it out, it doesn’t work. I need to leave that up to someone else 🙂