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Grief

Grief myth – Tears of grief are a sign of weakness.

Truth – Crying is a way of releasing tension and emotion.  It also communicates to others the need to be comforted.  One who expresses tears shows their willingness to work through their grief.

So, this has been weighing on my mind A LOT this past week.  Last Thursday, I was 13 weeks pregnant.  I woke up at 6am to get ready for my day shift and by 6:45, I knew I was no longer pregnant.  That is when the grief started.  First I was mortified by what was happening physically, then sad and in disbelief and now that most of the physical symptoms have ceased; the grief has set in.

Miscarriage.  Studies say it happens in 1 of every 4 pregnancies.  Because 80% of miscarriages happen in the first trimester, the overall risk of miscarriage after the first trimester is about 3%.  I was in the 2nd trimester,  only by 1 week.  But it was still one week.

The support by those who knew (which wasn’t many) has been OVERWHELMING.  Mark and I hadn’t told anyone other than family and a few super close friends.  That was mostly my doing.  I had this weird paranoia.  I just wanted to hear a heartbeat….something to know all was ok, before I brought people onto this amazing journey we were embarking on.  Well that day I miscarried was the day we were to hear it.  It never came.  

As sad as I am and right now, just taking each day as it comes; what comes to mind often is how BLESSED we are.  Like I said, the support has been amazing.  Truthfully, there isn’t a word strong enough to show my appreciation.  We have the BEST families.  We were sent flowers, cookies, prayers, many phone calls, texts and even a drive over just for a hug. 🙂 OVERWHELMED is still where I am at.  

This has probably been one of the most challenging things I have been through – realizing that NO MATTER WHAT, I have this amazing family and most importantly, a husband who stepped up like I never expected!  I don’t mean that in a rude way – he is amazing.  If you have read any of my other posts – you know all too well that I feel this way 🙂 He came right home (he was on his way to work as well) and spent the next 4 days with me.  Crying together, laughing together, being with family and just being.  As hard as those first few days were it also brought me such a sense of relief.  It made me realize that we can take it.  We can handle anything together.  We just need faith, family, friends and eachother. 

Having a natural miscarrige was gross, painful, and so traumatic.  It is not something I would wish for anyone.  I know Mark and I were both surprised how attached we actually were already.  Like I said, I knew before 7am that morning that I had miscarried.  I felt so upset, delivering the fetus and what all comes along with that is honestly the grossest thing.  I felt like I needed my Doctor to come over and just check.  Just tell me that it was real.  I was definitely in denial for a bit, which felt strange cause I knew right away.  I think when your mind just doesn’t want something to be true, it really messes with you!  I felt a sense of failure. I felt like I had just lost the last 3 months.  I followed all the rules! No alcohol, regular excersice, no deli meat, cut back HUGE on caffeine. (yes people, I only had one DP a day!!!) BUT, I have peace in believing these 2 things; God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and He holds the plan for our life.  Maybe there was something wrong, I don’t know and never will, but I just have to trust in knowing these things. 

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Posted by on 03/03/2012 in Uncategorized

 

Montage

Here it is (thanks to the totally talented and AMAZING Dave Tebbutt)

It makes me smile and get goosebumps EVERY time I hear that song 🙂

I HEART Ben Rector!!!

I am in a mushy place these last few weeks, so bear with me…lots going on in my life.

xo Dani

 
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Posted by on 02/29/2012 in Uncategorized

 

Beginnings

December 2007, Mark Brien got a job at Bethesda-where I have been working since 2002.  We instantly clicked and just got along so well.  I am fairly shy, but at work I am in my element!!  I am me;  can be blunt, confident, loving, caring, silly, fun, honest and passionate.  I wish this was the ME I saw all the time!! (working on that!)

So early in 2008, I had just returned from a trip to Cali with an old high school friend – A-MAZING.  I loved every minute of that trip and will remember it forever!  Well Mark and I were texting a lot – I know – super lame! Anyhow – one thing led to another and just last week, it was 4 years that we have been together!

We got married October 23, 2010.  It was totally an amazing day.

Everyone always tells you, your wedding day is the best day of your life. it’s true.  🙂  There were a few monumental reasons it was amazing for me.  I got to marry a guy I never thought I would meet and get to have all to myself 😉 I declared in front of over 200 people, that MARK ANDREW SPENCER BRIEN – you are the one for me.  That isn’t scary is it?!?! It for me was also an expression of accountability.  Anyone who knows me knows I was scared to commit.  Not because I am afraid I will cheat, or can’t be in a monogamous relationship – it is for fear of failure.  Marriage isn’t always going to be easy, and that is scary for me – much less scary now.  I know that Mark and I will fight together through whatever and I mean WHATEVER comes our way, and make it out still breathing, loving and stronger than before.  Another reason I loved my wedding day was that you get to have basically everyone you care about, all in one room and all for you!  Wow – talk about feeling supported!!  I felt like Mark and I got to tell everyone and ask for God’s help, that we want to start this crazy journey together have a blast while doing it!!

We have 2 of the CUTEST dogs alive 🙂 see for yourself!

Our first year of marriage was….amazing, difficult, adventurous, fun, hard and perfect.

Mark lost his contract full time position right before we got married (a pregnant woman from another area, “bumped” him out), and therefore, there were lots of tough times/months; things we NEVER thought we would face…ESPECIALLY in the first year of marriage.

We travelled to Barbados for our honeymoon, where a hurricane hit.  It was an experience to say the least.  A hurricane hadn’t hit there in almost 40 years, but obviously on our honeymoon, it would!!! We then left for St. Lucia, which was pretty much destroyed by the hurricane also. We had the best time though, played games by candlelight, (there was no power for days!) went swimming, read, talked and explored!

A couple months later, we went with friends on a cruise of the Carribean – sooooo fun! We saw so many places and spent much needed quality time together.

Mark got a full time job late summer 2011 and now he is permanent there!

We own 1 rental property, we sold the other house this past summer. (2 was too much)

I still work at Bethesda full time and my husband now works full time in Oakville at a place called ROCK http://rockonline.ca/

 
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Posted by on 02/28/2012 in Uncategorized

 

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